We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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