our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
