She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
