Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
