Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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