i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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