We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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