she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
