So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
