She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
