I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
