either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
