im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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