census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
