I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
