I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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