i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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