In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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