My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
