Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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