so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
