I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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