I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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