I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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