True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
