What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
