i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
