I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
