yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
