She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
