why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
