Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
