quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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