omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
