my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
