I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
