I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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