I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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