I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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