when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
