i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
