My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
