Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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