the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
