Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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