You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
