Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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