It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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