the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
