he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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