the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize