A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
