Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
