Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
