Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
