OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
