How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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