I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
