You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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