i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
