not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
