There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize