he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my shit smells like andre
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And then he peed in my hair
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
