i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
