My Higher Power is John Stamos
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
