My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
