My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
