dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
