The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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