At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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