I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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