Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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