I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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