i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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