oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
