Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize