I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
