shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
