I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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