Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
