so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
