I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
