Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
