spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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