Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
