It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
