so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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