i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
